Waiting for Xavier

Starting today I will no longer be updating this blog. But I will leave it online for a while. Since our adoption from Vietnam has ended, sadly enough, I don't see any reason to blog on an adoption from Vietnam. I have opened a more general blog that is easily changed... in case we get dumped again by our new country.

Wish the rest of you the best of luck!

Jessica

http://saletfamily.blog.co.uk/

Hello everyone,

Things have been crazy lately and as many of you know already in the vietnam adoption world... Vietnam is closing in September. Our agency has informed us that they are sure we will NOT be able to complete our adoption before the closing date and must consider another option. As of today, we hav to face the fact that Vietnam is over for us. Xavier will not be coming home.

Chris and I are looking at our options and hope to find a solution this month. For the moment we see three options..

1. Change agencies for another country such as Kyrgyzstan
2. Give up on the adoption for the moment and try for a natural child
3. Look into domestic infant adoption in the USA.

Due to the fact that it's been a year already and our paperwork will expire soon, we must make a decision soon. The pressure is on to decide what is best for our family.

I will let you know what we decide and re-vamp the site accordingly.

Bt just between us... I'm gutted an heart broken that it is over.

Just to let you know that my house was broken into and computer stolen (among other things) so blogging will have to wait until a new PC can be obtained....

life sucks I know.

Other than that, good news. We have checked with lawyers and it looks like the Hague rules will not ruin our adoption. We just have to get a few more bits of input and we are good!

Now all we need is for Vietnam to include families like us in thier "waiting families" definition (definition due by the end of the month)

DO you believe in signs from God ? I want to but I haven’t really seen a sign from God so I wouldn’t know what to look for. Friday was a real spring day (not many of those since I have been in England) and on that day I thought a lot about our adoption. Somehow, with all the bad and uncertain news coming in I looked to this day as a day of new hope. All weekend my heart was just a little lighter and I felt just a little bit more positive about our adoption. Suddenly, this morning we had a real snow fall… IN APRIL!!! The Magnolia trees (in bloom) were covered in snow as well as our garden and all of the cars on the street. Real, sticking around snow!!! (not something that starts in the morning and fades immediately) It’s night now and there is still snow in our garden. As soon as a little hope fills my heart the good lord rains down the one thing I hate most… useless, cold, bone freezing, snow.

I really hope it isn’t a sign of more troubles to come… I don’t know how much more I can take. A family from our agency just dropped out of Vietnam adoption and I really know how she feels. All the frustration, waiting and most importantly the stress of uncertainty. It’s enough to drive anyone insane and break any mothers heart. Of course we want to be strong and patient… but how long can you hang on to a phantom? How substantial is HOPE? Can you truly live on it and Faith alone? When do you say “STOP!”? Will regret follow? If so, for how long and how painful will it be?

I can’t bear the idea of not adopting. The mere idea makes me sick to my stomach. Years ago I knew that this is what I wanted for my family but at what cost? I’ve become a mad woman… blogging, researching, reading, forum writing, obsessing… Would abandoning my dream make me less of who I wanted to be? Whom I hoped to become? Will it break my heart indefinitely?

I think it will and this is why I hold on even tighter today than ever. Maybe for the wrong reasons but they are my reasons. God help me if I have gone off track for I can see no longer where I put my feet.