Waiting for Xavier

Just to let you know that my house was broken into and computer stolen (among other things) so blogging will have to wait until a new PC can be obtained....

life sucks I know.

Other than that, good news. We have checked with lawyers and it looks like the Hague rules will not ruin our adoption. We just have to get a few more bits of input and we are good!

Now all we need is for Vietnam to include families like us in thier "waiting families" definition (definition due by the end of the month)

DO you believe in signs from God ? I want to but I haven’t really seen a sign from God so I wouldn’t know what to look for. Friday was a real spring day (not many of those since I have been in England) and on that day I thought a lot about our adoption. Somehow, with all the bad and uncertain news coming in I looked to this day as a day of new hope. All weekend my heart was just a little lighter and I felt just a little bit more positive about our adoption. Suddenly, this morning we had a real snow fall… IN APRIL!!! The Magnolia trees (in bloom) were covered in snow as well as our garden and all of the cars on the street. Real, sticking around snow!!! (not something that starts in the morning and fades immediately) It’s night now and there is still snow in our garden. As soon as a little hope fills my heart the good lord rains down the one thing I hate most… useless, cold, bone freezing, snow.

I really hope it isn’t a sign of more troubles to come… I don’t know how much more I can take. A family from our agency just dropped out of Vietnam adoption and I really know how she feels. All the frustration, waiting and most importantly the stress of uncertainty. It’s enough to drive anyone insane and break any mothers heart. Of course we want to be strong and patient… but how long can you hang on to a phantom? How substantial is HOPE? Can you truly live on it and Faith alone? When do you say “STOP!”? Will regret follow? If so, for how long and how painful will it be?

I can’t bear the idea of not adopting. The mere idea makes me sick to my stomach. Years ago I knew that this is what I wanted for my family but at what cost? I’ve become a mad woman… blogging, researching, reading, forum writing, obsessing… Would abandoning my dream make me less of who I wanted to be? Whom I hoped to become? Will it break my heart indefinitely?

I think it will and this is why I hold on even tighter today than ever. Maybe for the wrong reasons but they are my reasons. God help me if I have gone off track for I can see no longer where I put my feet.

Things are not getting any better. Even though referrals were given recently it doesn’t get us any closer to our adoption. In fact some things are becoming increasingly difficult. With the Hague Convention being put into practice in the US, we may be in big trouble.

The Hague Convention is indeed a good thing for everyone. But there is a clause called "Habitual Resident" in which we are in a very grey zone. In fact, there are regulations on where you live and for how long as to whether you can adopt or not. It is to protect children from being run off to unknown countries and to assure their new nationalities.

but because we live in the UK, and neither of us are British we are in that very grey zone. Some rumors say that we have to reside in the US immediately after the adoption for 2 years (something we cannot do). Other rumors say that we just have to promise to live in the US before the child's 18th birthday.

I have written to the US Immigration Department for an official answer to our situation. Should the Hague require us to live in the US now, we will have to abandon our adoption from Vietnam.

What will we do if the Hague says "NO"? I don't know.

This is all starting to be too much for me.